How Do You Know You’re Not Ready For Another Relationship?
Nobody wants to rebound—and end up in a relationship headed nowhere—after a breakup. But the lure of a liaison with someone who will hold you, laugh with you, and divert your attention from difficult emotions may steal much-needed healing time.
Rebound relationships take place when someone hastily replaces one relationship with another. Typically, it doesn’t last because the person rebounding has residual feelings for their former partner. They unconsciously transfer them to someone new and enjoy the temporary distraction from processing their painful breakup.
The problem with rebounds is they are like a sticking plaster over a wound that can’t heal until the air gets to it. While you evade your emotions with a fresh relationship, you can’t absorb the hurt you endured and make peace with the situation.
Nor can you offer someone the promise of a genuine bonding experience since you remain emotionally attached to your ex. It’s healthier and wiser not to date anyone new until you’ve found closure.
Here are 10 signs that show you’re not ready to start anew.
You hope to reunite
Do you imagine the breakup is a temporary hitch? Perhaps it is, and you need to explore the possibility of a renewed connection. Or, you may know it will never happen, but you yearn for the opportunity to rebuild what you’ve lost.
Even if the idea is unrealistic, your hopes show you find your ex too attractive to forge a healthy new partnership. And if reuniting’s a likelihood, it would be unreasonable to gain a new attachment.
Anger signals you’ve not moved on and need to process pain. It’s normal to go over the past while you pick up helpful life lessons after challenges. But when your pain remains hot, it’s necessary to let it simmer before considering a new partner.
If you still seethe about your ex’s hurtful remarks or behavior, you’re not ready to be with anyone else yet.
You contact your ex frequently as though you’re still an item
Do you often text or phone your ex? Ex-couples can, occasionally, stay friends. But it’s not healthy to keep a similar level of contact now as you would if you were an item.
You’ll keep an emotional connection going that could lengthen the recovery period. Doing so also signals that you aren’t ready to commit to a new relationship.
You keep a photograph of you and your ex on your bedside cabinet or in your wallet (and look at it every day)
Photographs are often intimate keepsakes. If you glance at a snapshot of you and your ex regularly, there’s a chance you are in the first stage of grieving—denial—after loss.
You could experience denial if your relationship breakdown is sudden and unexpected. The resulting shock means you need time to let your newly single status sink in and accept what’s happened.
You talk nonstop about your ex to friends and family
It’s tough to stop talking about your ex when you’re still entangled with them emotionally. If you feel the need to recount funny stories about the old days or tell everyone about your ex’s mannerisms and things they’ve said and done, it’s a sign you haven’t dealt with the breakup yet.
The same goes if you need a shoulder to regularly cry on or vent about your ex. You’re busy flushing them out of your system.
You lament about good times and feel unhappy
There’s nothing wrong with looking back at happy times, but if doing so makes you sad, you’ve hit the early stages of healing and need more time. You’ll know visits to the past are part of emotional processing if they make you cry, sigh, or reach for comfort.
Every time you receive a text or phone call, you hope it’s from your ex
Do you knock people out of the way on a quest to grab the phone when it rings, or do you receive a text, hoping it’s from you know who? Do you check your phone for messages from your ex every few minutes? You wouldn’t be in such a hurry if you were over the breakup.
You think about your ex last thing at night and first thing each morning
The topics you think of at night and when you wake in the morning stay with you through the day. What’s more, they reflect what matters to you at present. If your ex pops onto your mental screen, you haven’t room for anyone new in your life yet.
You compare potential new partners (unfavorably) with your ex
Does no one measure up to your ex? Suppose the individuals you consider dating don’t seem as witty, attractive, entertaining, or alluring as your ex. In that case, there’s a good chance getting involved with them would be a dead-end activity.
Until you take your ex off the pedestal you’ve placed them on; nobody will be good enough for you.
You binge-watch Netflix, comfort eat, drink alcohol, or engage in other behaviors to avoid thinking about your breakup
Your unconscious attempts to swallow pain might involve comfort food, drink, and behaviors that give rise to feel-good chemical production.
The urge to indulge in comforting actions signals you aren’t ready to deal with your emotions yet. You need to recover before you find a new partner.
As with all grief after a loss, there’s no time limit for healing. You might need an interval between your old relationship and a new one. Note the signs you aren’t ready to begin afresh and let yourself process the breakup until you are in the right place emotionally to begin again.
Speak To a Professional
If you would like to speak with a professional divorce attorney to discuss your options, please reach out to the family law office of Dalena & Bosch. Our team of highly knowledgeable and passionate divorce attorneys is always available to lend an ear and hand in this most challenging time of your life. Contact our family law firm, Dalena & Bosch here.