973 377-2066

2 Ridgedale Avenue, Suite 202, Cedar Knolls, NJ, 07927

Best Advice For Letting Go of the Guy You Love

Related Practice Areas

Jul 31, 2022

Best Advice For Letting Go of the Guy You Love

Letting go of the guy you still love following a breakup can be challenging, hurtful and stressful. First comes grieving, getting to know yourself, and embracing time alone to heal. The article shows the value of women’s friends and how to get them back if you neglect your friends in deference to your significant other.


Letting Go of the Guy You Love


Letting go is not about “why” your relationship ended but “how” you can find the grit to power through the pain.

You still love him, so permit yourself to grieve.


Deep Grieving


It is human nature to grieve the loss of a guy you love. Without grief, the healing process cannot begin. Unfortunately, nobody knows the extent of your suffering except you. You went through a traumatic experience.

Once settled in your own space, reality hits, and you suffer withdrawal. Although you typically develop insomnia, anger issues, and feel sorry for “poor me,” food is not appealing.

Permit yourself to enter the state of deep grieving. Think about him, cry when you want to, eat Oreo ice cream from the carton, loop the same sad song (play it repeatedly), and throw darts at his picture.

Wallow in negative emotions. After about 7-10 days of deep grieving, you will likely get tired of your miserable self. This in no way indicates you have completely let go of him. You will let him go at some point. But, for now, start emotionally detaching from him.


Emotionally Detach from the Guy You Love


Anytime he lurks in your consciousness, remind yourself how the relationship once was. Say out loud – I am here and, in the present, not the past.

Start keeping a journal. Pose some tough questions such as: how do I define myself, what did I love doing before meeting him, and what activity puts me in the flow where I can’t think about loving him?

Not only do you need to know yourself, but you must learn to love yourself. You can’t love a self who feels unworthy. Write five reasons you are “good enough” to participate in a healthy relationship. Know that the breakup did not happen because of what you did. Write “I am enough. I am worthy of a healthy relationship”.

List Five of Your Positive Attributes

In a relationship, women tend to get all tangled up with their men. As a result, chances are, you “lost” some of the beauty and passion that makes up the person you call “me.”


Being Alone vs. Lonely


You’re accustomed to defining yourself by your relationship. You put his wants and needs before your own. Consequently, you’ve lost sight of who you are.

Lonely is waking up, and he’s not there. Lonely is when you can’t sleep at night and cry. Lonely is when you constantly see his face in your mind’s eye. Lonely is ruminating on the past and fantasizing about a bright future where he loves you again.


But It Is Now, and You are Here – Alone


Being alone is a great gift. How often did you long for “me time” during the relationship? Time to meditate, time to gossip with your girlfriends. Time to shop and buy something frivolous without being chastised for spending too much money. Time to get to know yourself.

How long has it been since you saw a movie you wanted to see, went to a restaurant and enjoyed the food you love, and spent a lazy Sunday afternoon with your parents instead of a hectic one with his?

You’re alone now, and you can eat when you want to, go to bed when you want to, and binge-watch romantic comedies on Netflix.


Where are Your Female Friends?

It is typical female behavior for a woman in a romantic relationship to neglect her female friends. Also, controlling men isolate women from friends and family. Whatever the reason, a little groveling is needed if your female friends disappeared during your relationship.

Call your BFF and tell her you’re sorry for dropping off the radar and that you need help letting go of the guy you still love. Then, invite her out to dinner, your treat.

Once you re-establish female friendships, never let go of them again. Remember, your significant other is not your significant only.


Final Thoughts

Keep working on yourself; one day, you’ll have that AHA! moment. He is just someone you used to know.

If you are considering a divorce and need guidance, please reach out to the family law office of Dalena and Bosch. Our team of dedicated and passionate divorce attorneys would love to help you.

Elizabeth Dalena helped me through a very difficult divorce and I felt working with her was like working with a friend you can trust! Beth, thank you for your professionalism and helping me through this difficult time.
Michael Mastrogiacomo - March 2020
If you’ve been searching for an honest and empathetic attorney...someone you can trust while you navigate the difficult and emotional world of family law, then do yourself a favor and contact Beth Dalena & Jessica Bosch. You’ll be so glad you did.
Par 5 Consulting - March 2020
When you are in the painful and often frightening process of divorce, the women of this law firm bring you confidence and security with their knowledge and professionalism. They exhibit that rare combination of the willingness to hold your hand like a compassionate friend and defend you like a piranha in the courtroom when necessary. They exhibit dedication, and the grace and wisdom of their long term experience. They look…
Cindy Morhouse - February 2020
These ladies have helped me several times in my experience with them. Jessica was my divorce attorney and I can say without hesitation, she was professionally and personally a gift to me. She handled my case (adversarial at best) with grace and knowledge. A fighter when necessary. She handled me in my personal state as a friend. Compassionate and kind. Beth assisted me with rewriting my deed after my divorce…
Scarlett O - January 2020
I chose Jessica A. Bosch to represent me because she was compassionate and knowledgeable. My divorce was a long and difficult journey. During this time, I lost sight of what was really important. Jessica kept me grounded and focused on what would be best for me after the divorce. I am grateful for her help in protecting two very important financial things that I might have given up. I didn't…
Cynthia R - December 2019