Letting go of the guy you still love following a breakup can be challenging, hurtful and stressful. First comes grieving, getting to know yourself, and embracing time alone to heal. The article shows the value of women’s friends and how to get them back if you neglect your friends in deference to your significant other.
Letting Go of the Guy You Love
Letting go is not about “why” your relationship ended but “how” you can find the grit to power through the pain.
You still love him, so permit yourself to grieve.
It is human nature to grieve the loss of a guy you love. Without grief, the healing process cannot begin. Unfortunately, nobody knows the extent of your suffering except you. You went through a traumatic experience.
Once settled in your own space, reality hits, and you suffer withdrawal. Although you typically develop insomnia, anger issues, and feel sorry for “poor me,” food is not appealing.
Permit yourself to enter the state of deep grieving. Think about him, cry when you want to, eat Oreo ice cream from the carton, loop the same sad song (play it repeatedly), and throw darts at his picture.
Wallow in negative emotions. After about 7-10 days of deep grieving, you will likely get tired of your miserable self. This in no way indicates you have completely let go of him. You will let him go at some point. But, for now, start emotionally detaching from him.
Emotionally Detach from the Guy You Love
Anytime he lurks in your consciousness, remind yourself how the relationship once was. Say out loud – I am here and, in the present, not the past.
Start keeping a journal. Pose some tough questions such as: how do I define myself, what did I love doing before meeting him, and what activity puts me in the flow where I can’t think about loving him?
Not only do you need to know yourself, but you must learn to love yourself. You can’t love a self who feels unworthy. Write five reasons you are “good enough” to participate in a healthy relationship. Know that the breakup did not happen because of what you did. Write “I am enough. I am worthy of a healthy relationship”.
List Five of Your Positive Attributes
In a relationship, women tend to get all tangled up with their men. As a result, chances are, you “lost” some of the beauty and passion that makes up the person you call “me.”
Being Alone vs. Lonely
You’re accustomed to defining yourself by your relationship. You put his wants and needs before your own. Consequently, you’ve lost sight of who you are.
Lonely is waking up, and he’s not there. Lonely is when you can’t sleep at night and cry. Lonely is when you constantly see his face in your mind’s eye. Lonely is ruminating on the past and fantasizing about a bright future where he loves you again.
But It Is Now, and You are Here – Alone
Being alone is a great gift. How often did you long for “me time” during the relationship? Time to meditate, time to gossip with your girlfriends. Time to shop and buy something frivolous without being chastised for spending too much money. Time to get to know yourself.
How long has it been since you saw a movie you wanted to see, went to a restaurant and enjoyed the food you love, and spent a lazy Sunday afternoon with your parents instead of a hectic one with his?
You’re alone now, and you can eat when you want to, go to bed when you want to, and binge-watch romantic comedies on Netflix.
Where are Your Female Friends?
It is typical female behavior for a woman in a romantic relationship to neglect her female friends. Also, controlling men isolate women from friends and family. Whatever the reason, a little groveling is needed if your female friends disappeared during your relationship.
Call your BFF and tell her you’re sorry for dropping off the radar and that you need help letting go of the guy you still love. Then, invite her out to dinner, your treat.
Once you re-establish female friendships, never let go of them again. Remember, your significant other is not your significant only.
Keep working on yourself; one day, you’ll have that AHA! moment. He is just someone you used to know.
If you are considering a divorce and need guidance, please reach out to the family law office of Dalena and Bosch. Our team of dedicated and passionate divorce attorneys would love to help you.